The Kindness Tree

LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF "WHAT WAS THAT AGAIN?"

If only we could keep it simple, I bet we would find that illusive “HAPPINESS.”

I will be the first to admit I can get caught up in the complexities of life.
It is hard to avoid when everything around us reinforces the need to become wealthier, smarter, more competitive and more successful.

In fact, my oldest son so well illustrated this when he requested a lap top computer for High School graduation. My husband and I were a little taken aback, given the cost, and his response was that this was “standard protocol” (and, he is not a spoiled kid).
To our surprise, we have come to learn that this really is the case.

In a wonderful article on RAISING KIDS WITH THE RIGHT VALUES, (PARENTING MAGAZINE, March, 2006), Paula Spencer identifies the following values as most important:

INDIVIDUALITY,  INDEPENDENT  THINKING, HUNGER, POSSIBILITY AND HUMOR. (we will return to these again)

She defines HUNGER as “not having life handed to me on a silver platter and every heart’s desire made readily available.” I could not agree more.

So many parents I know pride themselves on giving their children whatever they want and find it so hard to say “No.” My husband and I have never fallen into this category. Partly due to the realities of life, but more importantly, because teaching our children the value of working hard and appreciating what they get has always been a priority.

When we took a big family vacation to Alaska, we started a fund a year before that we all contributed to by making small sacrifices and putting the money we saved into a big Bear Cookie jar. It was a wonderful lesson for us all and an opportunity to learn about giving up something to strive for a bigger goal. (We actually saved over $1,000-No bad, eh!)

CREATIVE CHALLENGE; TAKE SOME TIME AND IDENTIFY WHAT VALUES YOU BELIEVE IN AND WHAT YOU HOPE TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN

Ask your spouse to do the same and compare lists. This could begin a wonderful dialogue about creating the family that you really value.

A Tribute to Mothers

We all have those phrases swirling around in our heads that are uniquely our mothers.
They are the ones that we “pooh pooh” at the time but then, some time later, realize how true they really are.

When my children were little, my mother would say,
“Little Children, Little Problems, Big Children, Big  Problems.”

When my children were young, while I agonized over every challenge , frustration, and the balancing of daily life with all my heart and soul, I thought clearly she just didn’t understand. At the time, it all seemed so big and important (and, back then, I guess it was)
Well, now that my children are much older, I see how true this is. In certain ways, I long for those good ole days when day to day meant juggling play dates, small little wants and needs and having the time to take a breath.

Now, it seems that life was so much simpler then.  Compared to today,  when your teenager is out for the night and you trust that he will be safe and smart and remember all you have taught and instilled in him. Or when  loving your child means making a $35,000/yr commitment to sending him to an out of state college of his choice or deciding whether your 15 year old can begin drivers education this summer.

So, Mom, I raise my glass to you and your “Good Health” (she only toasts to this and says “good health is the only thing that really matters” )
Well, a few recent health problems of my own have made me realize how true this one is, too!

So, MOM. Thanks, I've learned alot and  am still listening.

CREATIVE CHALLENGE:

While we take special time and care on Mothers Day and other holidays to tell people we love how important they are, I propose doing this on any day.  Contact us with your kind act and we will make sure to make your day special. too!

SHOW SOMEONE THAT THEY ARE APPRECIATED  TODAY 
SHARE THE SENTIMENT AND WATCH  HOW THIS  WONDERFUL ACT OF KINDNESS THAT CAN MAKE ANY DAY A SPECIAL ONE

THE ART OF TRULY GREAT MOTHERING

My friend shared a story with me that we all can relate to about one of the tricky challenges of motherhood as our kids grow up.

She had tried to “support” her son, a High School senior, right before the Final Soccer Championship Game by reminding him to not be too disappointed if they lost.
His response was an ANGRY “WHY CAN’T YOU EVER BE POSITIVE!”

Baffled, she wondered what she did wrong and affirmed to me her  “good” intentions. She was only trying to protect him from disappointment, what was so wrong in that?

My response to her was to go out there with her “pom poms” and cheer her heart out.

The real challenge in parenting a child, especially an adolescent, is to figure out what they need by being sensitive to who they are and knowing what approach works best for that particular child.

I learned, over time, that my oldest son needed a “push” to challenge himself to take risks and venture into the unknown.  I could be honest and direct even in pointing out his shortcomings, and this was always useful motivation for him.
In contrast, “pushing” my middle son, who is much more sensitive and quick to hear feedback as criticism, would only push him away. With him, I had to adopt a gentler and less directive approach. For him, talking when he was not receptive to listening was truly counterproductive.

.    As parents, especially mothers, we have an innate need to protect our children and sometimes, though well intentioned, this mission leads to our demise (or at least compromises our relationship with them).

Instead, we need to reframe our protectiveness and help them learn to deal with the pains of life. As difficult as this may be for our self worth as a mother, our real goal should be to teach them to live without us and feel PROUD that we did.

WE ALL NEED A DOSE OF TLC (Tender Loving Care)

    Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst headache I had ever had. When  my  usual efforts left me with no relief and it only got worse, I woke my husband. While  thoughts of rushing to the ER due to a brain hemmorage ran through my mind, he kindly attempted to nurse me with hot compreses, a new dose of Ibuprophen and comforting words.
    As I lie there suffering,  tears rolling down my face, I thought back to the time recently that my 12 year old son woke me up in the middle of the night due to a bad headache. (it is "allergy" season here in the south, by the way) and I told him to take some aspirin and try to go back to sleep.

All night, last night, I could not get this thought out of my head . I kept thinking to myself,
"What happened to the days of  rushing up in the middle of the night to care for my sick child?". 

Now that I am feeling better,  my  rational side can justify that he is older now, and it was something he could do himself.  But, after  last night, I was STRONGLY REMINDED that we are never too old to be mothered and sometimes, for whatever reason, we all need a dose of TLC.

    When he returns from school today (I even slept through getting everyone going this morning which is unheard of), I will tell him that "I am sorry"  for that night and  will promise to get up next time he needs me in the middle of the night, no matter what.

GROWN UPS ~ THIS ONE'S FOR YOU

IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH : KINDNESS IS NOT JUST FOR KIDS


CREATIVE CHALLENGE

Think about the times that you have said to your self “that is not a very nice person.”
Now, how many times have you thought of someone and said “what a nice person he/she is!”

So, which happens more often? I can bet the answer is the first one.

The point is, How can  kids be kind if they do not have good role models to show them the way?

Remember the famous poem “Children Learn What They Live.”

So, I leave you with this

The Best and Most Beautiful things in the World cannot be Seen or even Touched.
They must be Felt with the Heart
Helen Keller