My friend shared a story with me that we all can relate to about one of the tricky challenges of motherhood as our kids grow up.
She had tried to “support” her son, a High School senior, right before the Final Soccer Championship Game by reminding him to not be too disappointed if they lost.
His response was an ANGRY “WHY CAN’T YOU EVER BE POSITIVE!”
Baffled, she wondered what she did wrong and affirmed to me her “good” intentions. She was only trying to protect him from disappointment, what was so wrong in that?
My response to her was to go out there with her “pom poms” and cheer her heart out.
The real challenge in parenting a child, especially an adolescent, is to figure out what they need by being sensitive to who they are and knowing what approach works best for that particular child.
I learned, over time, that my oldest son needed a “push” to challenge himself to take risks and venture into the unknown. I could be honest and direct even in pointing out his shortcomings, and this was always useful motivation for him.
In contrast, “pushing” my middle son, who is much more sensitive and quick to hear feedback as criticism, would only push him away. With him, I had to adopt a gentler and less directive approach. For him, talking when he was not receptive to listening was truly counterproductive.
. As parents, especially mothers, we have an innate need to protect our children and sometimes, though well intentioned, this mission leads to our demise (or at least compromises our relationship with them).
Instead, we need to reframe our protectiveness and help them learn to deal with the pains of life. As difficult as this may be for our self worth as a mother, our real goal should be to teach them to live without us and feel PROUD that we did.
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