As parents, we all face moments when we must decide how to handle our children's attempts to assert their independence. Separations begin when our little ones attempt their first steps, when they go off to their first school experience and continue as they assert themselves and align with their peers during adolescense.
We are faced with important decisions about how we will respond to these changes. These choices define both who we are and how our children will experience these transitions.
I was faced with one such challenge this summer which will remain a vivid memory forever.
My 19 year old son fell in love for the first time as a senior in High School. They parted to go to different colleges far apart from each other and her family moved to another state which left the liklihood of them seeing each other slim. The relationship appeared to end given the circumstances (or so I assumed).
They began to communicate again over the spring though I did not know this until much later as my son choose to not tell me.
We had openly discussed my opinion that he was just beginning to learn about love and relationships and that I felt that it was too early to become seriously involved with someone. While he did not disagree with this in theory, his heart told him otherwise. It fondly reminded me of the days when "love conquered all" and I felt for his dilemma.
The real test came when he approached me over the second half of the summer to say she was coming to
visit Charleston to see friends and, most importantly, him. I was shot me in the heart when he told me that he thought to just not tell us about this visit and, so, avoid any conflict. I was taken back to think he would consider keeping this a secret as our relationship has always been and still is very close.
That was the moment of truth. How I would handle this would define how much I would allow him the space and freedom to make his own decisions and show my respect for him as a separate person. The fact is I trust him and admire him for his good judgment, maturity and true desire to be close as a family. Most importantly, I wanted him to not regret telling me the truth.
To make a long story short, I supported him by not imparting my own judgements and being open and allowing him the freedom to explore his world and this relationship.
He was so grateful and thankful (and so incredibly happy) that it touched my heart. I knew that I had made the right decsion. In the end, it really doesn't matter what happens. What matters is that his memory will be of a family who loves him dearly and cares enough to give him the freedom and support to make his own decisions, to live his life and learn from it. I would like to remember this as "A GIFT FROM THE HEART"
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