The Kindness Tree

STILL SEARCHING

I would like to believe we have not lost our creativity, our playfulness, our wishing on a star dreams but we have misplaced them. Not intentionally.  Instead, we have learned to feel doubt and anxiety.  We have been given a different script with some degree of misdirection. Whose to blame for this is not the question. How can we create our own new script, is the issue at hand.

Putting voice to these feelings may be the key to rediscovering that soul print.

CREATIVE CHALLENGE:
What is there to loss? And, there is everything to gain. Write a poem, sing a song, keep a journal-however it can get expressed, do it with your heart and soul. Here is mine:

The Perfect Cake

I was given a recipe for the perfect cake,
By whom, I do not know.

Perhaps it was not meant for me,
but simply there for show.

I took it as my own and tried my very best,
but, no matter how hard I tried,  I never passed the test.

I learned to change the recipe, it's different every time.
but, truth is, I do love it because it's truly mine.

This change has made the making more important than the cake,
It has made me more inspired to create not duplicate.

Soul Searching

As I sat in the waiting room for my medical appt, I could not help but notice the play castle on the floor. There were no children present, though the images of children engrossed in their make believe stories and mothers cajoling them to leave , despite their protests, were vividly alive to me. This castle happened to be one of my childrens’ favorites which may be why I noticed it to begin with.

With a pang (or maybe even an ache) of nostalgia, I thought back to the innumerable times I would sit and play with my children for hours. It was a sad thought because that period of life is so far in the past. I truly enjoyed that part of parenting – “playing just for the fun of it” and allowing your imagination to soar along with your childs'.

So, where does that side of us go when we become grown ups? Is it only available to tap into when playing with a child? I laughed at the thought of my sitting on the floor and playing with the castle by myself. You can only imagine the reactions I would get!

We have become so caught up with the final product, the outcome and consequences that we have lost the ability to enjoy the moment and cherish the process itself. The question that we need to ask is, “how do we as adults harness that creative part of ourselves”? Where do we get support for that?

Though we each need to find our own answers  to these questions, I would like to share where I have begun to search. There are increasing numbers of books on following your “soul print” (called many things)- your spirit, your path or whatever  you might want to call it.

CREATIVE CHALLENGE

Find your questions! [What do I really love, what makes me feel good, if only I could.......how would that change my life?]

THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS IS EMBRACING THE QUESTIONS RATHER THAN FOCUSING ON  THE ANSWERS

WHO OR HOW CAN YOU BE SUPPORTED IN YOUR JOURNEY? Think of it as a new adventure- a vacation, in a sense. Who would you invite?

I RECENTLY SAW A WONDERFUL  AD THAT I WILL SHARE:

THIS IS YOUR TICKET:

INSTRUCTIONS: USE YOUR IMAGINATION 

RULES :YOU DEFINE THE RULES!

 

There are  several  book titles that I have found wonderfully support and empowering of getting back in touch with the energy that we have locked inside us. For many, this energy has become so buried that you do not even recognize that it is there.

• Finding Your Way Home by Melody Beattie
• The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav
• Soul Prints by Marc Gafni

 

WHO MAKES THE RULES: PARENTS OR KIDS?

    In retrospect, it seems so clear to me who was in charge when my children were young . I  was very comfortable disciplining as long as I identified the problem and was clear on the rationale for my disciplinary actions. Perhaps, time has blurred my vision. I don't doubt that. Things always seem easier when you no longer need to worry about them.

Making decisons for my children now that are ages 14 and 17 is less clear. When should you  allow them the freedom to make their own choices?  The stakes seem higher now. I would like to tell my story in the form of a letter to my son.

I wish I knew the best thing to do for you. On the one hand, I know you are capable of doing anything you put your mind to and succeeding at that. All your teachers have always said the same thing: "you do not work up to your potential." I can only wonder why? I believe it has something to do with your fear of not living up to external expectations. There is a very real component to that.  I try not to get caught up with mandating
and judging you based on those external expectations (societal, educational and, of course, parental) but the reality is the external parameters , such as school grades, dictate your future choices.

The hardest thing a parent must do is watch their child learn through their mistakes and consequently feel hurt, disappointment and a sense of failure. I would do anything to protect you from that but I know that is not possible nor in your best interest. So, I continue to contemplate what I can to do support  you.? How can I let you know how much I  believe in you? 

The road must be yours to follow, the questions yours to ask, as well as answer, and the rules must be ones you ultimately define for yourself.  I can only hope that my actions during this time in your life- a time of discovery and transitions- communicate clearly to you my support and my faith in you. I hope that you will let me in on those struggles.  Not so I can fix them, but so that you do not have to deal with them alone or hide them from us. Now and always, I would like to be part of your journey as a cushion to fall on and a audience to applaud your successes.

I will continue to work on better understanding you and respecting you for the incredible person you are.
I hope, when you look back on this stage,  in the future,  you are glad that I was your
mother.

NEW REFLECTIONS

4/5/08

It feels wonderful to begin blogging again. I hope the insights, inspirations, and learning opportunities of my journey help you in yours.

On reflection, since last I wrote, I question what has changed. It is easy to automatically think of all the things that have not been accomplished. Instead, I would rather evaluate what has.

I feel stronger, clearly and more peaceful when I compare my internal self to over a year ago. Although things have not all gone as planned, it is O.K. (REALLY TRULY IN MY HEART O.K.). I am learning the value of letting go and trusting that what comes to me is what I need to have in my life. It gives me direction and a sense of security regardless of the outcome.

The question is not whether it is “good or bad” but rather “how can I best use this to continue to follow my “soul print” –my path. Going down the road of “why” or placing blame only drains your energy. I continually reflect on ways to infuse my spirit to be strong, brave and move forward with  “acceptance not anxiety.”

We usually take time to think about our past year and goals for the future around the New Year. I propose doing this more often, much the way we get “tune ups” on our cars. Those of you that are in business know that it is recommended that you do a quarterly analysis to evaluate thoroughly your current status, assess where you are and where you would like to go.  From this, you can modify your next steps and define or redefine your goals. Why not apply this same practice to your personal and emotional goals?

Å business cannot be successful, if we are not feeling that way. We bring our “heart and soul” to our professional and personal lives. By keeping an ongoing journal or written diary, we can remember more details, not just those that are most recent, and look at things over time. Brings a very different perspective to light.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED OVER THIS TIME:

1) The more rules you make, the more rules you have to break.

Practice postponing setting rules to see if your gut feeling remains the same on an issue. Make sure the rules are YOURS and not someone else’s that you have adopted because you should, or it is expected of you by someone else or you can’t find your own rules. Keep looking!
2) Talk Less, Think with your heart more

I am learning to hold on to feelings in a good way. As I give them time to percolate, they often resolve themselves. If I pay close enough attention to them, I become clearer in my head about what they mean, where they are coming from and how to deal with them. Connecting with your feelings is a gift that you deserve and can embrace. You can choose to be afraid of your feelings or discount them or not.
If you don’t care about your feelings, why should other people?

3) PRACTISE KINDNESS DAILY- IT MAKES LIFE SO MUCH SWEETER.

The more I reach out to others with a kind, compassionate heart, the more I gain.
More importantly, when I do it with a conscious awareness that it is not about what I get back, the better I feel. Imagine what the world would be like if we all did this. Try doing a random act of kindness and see how it feels. You have gained something and have given to someone else. Hold on to that feeling – it will be a motivator to do it again.
KINDNESS COUNTS, BANK ON IT!

I will leave you with a wonderful thought that I just read on a waffle ad.
INSTRUCTIONS: USE YOUR IMAGINATION

I will add that to my new set of goals!