The Kindness Tree

SEEING THE LIGHT!!

I learned many lessons growing up about being responsible, working hard and doing my best. My parents, like most parents in that generation, had a strong work ethic and dealt with problems by either sweep things under the rug or fixing them.

I don't recall many lessons that embraced the idea of "being in the moment." Children seize the moment all the time through play and creative thinking. When my children were small, I loved to play with them and become apart of the creative world of their (and my) imagination.

So what happens when your children grow up? Where do we, as middle age adults, find ways to cherish each moment?  How can we learn to empower ourselves and inspire our children as they grow into adulthood to see each experience, bad or good, as an opportunity to grow. For me, I have found these teachings and "life philosophy" through a spiritual journey. WHERE CAN YOU FIND YOURS?

Some ideas to consider:

BREAKING IT DOWN

 Life seems to be plagued with stresses, challenges and expectations. In our world today, it feels like this pressure cooker is imposed on our children at a younger and younger age. My 17 year old son recently got a job for the summer. After two weeks, he came home and said "this is not working for me." It would have been easy to fall into the trap of giving my "parental advice" on how it is important to work and he should earn some money, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ... Instead, I engaged him in the process of better defining what parts of the job he didn't like and we talked about alternative ways of dealing with this. End result, I hope he has gotten the message that his feelings are valued and he should trust his gut reactions and not discount them whatever the final solution will be.

TAKING RISKS

Demands for success-financial and otherwise-can easily dictate how we behave. For me, taking risks was always associated with anxiety and fear of failure. In recent years, I have focused on learning  to embrace risks as opportunities and redirect my energy on the process of  "stepping out of the box" rather than the outcome.  You will be surprised the joys and fun you can have when you let go of the anxiety.

LETTING GO

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! When your thinking is positive, your actions can follow. I have come to appreciate that the small things that may bother me are not worth using my energy for. Often it takes a crisis to help people put things into perspective. I work toward having that perspective all the time.
Appreciate and be grateful for the positive things that surround you-they may be as simple as a sunny day or seeing the moon in the morning sky. I believe the expression is "Smell the Roses." Without saying a word, we can teach our children this invaluable way of thinking and living through modeling this and making this part of who we are (or are becoming).

JUST SHOW UP

We have coined that phrase in my family to mean-you never know what opportunities are available if you don't seize the moment. Plus, having a open mind and less expectations invites something valuable into your life even if you do not realize it at the time.

CHANGE IS GONNA DO YOU GOOD"

I think that people are by nature "creatures of habit. " We get comfortable in things that are familiar and sometimes confuse this with happiness.
In my experience as a therapist, it is only when you are uncomfortable that the motivation for change kicks in. The more uncomfortable, the more motivated you are to change.

I would propose that is it through change that we experience new and  different things which are invaluable to our growth and personal actualization.  How can that be good, you might wonder, if change feels so unsettling. 

First of all, when we experience a contrast, often things stand out more clearly. A simple example, spend a day not eating and see how much you enjoy your next meal. Likewise, if it rains for days on end. the first sunny day feels incredibly wonderful.

It is often not easy to perceive change  as positive when the change is a result of something out of our control. Times like these can certainly cause anxiety, fear and sadness.

But, I am referring to changes that you initiate. These  changes can be a way to open up new doors and allow for a different  perspective.  Here is a  small, simple example. This morning, I reversed the route that I typically run. It is amazing to see how different the trail looked from the opposite direction. I would have missed that !

I have also recently attempted to promote new friendships which has felt very rewarding. It is so easy to get complacent and not even realize how much we are  missing.

Try it for yourself and see!

Change also forces us to be challenged and ,with this, comes experience in problem solving,  developing  creativity and promoting new ways of thinking. All invaluable skills for the times when "change " kicks us in the butt and takes us for a loop.

As wise Dr Seuss wrote so eloquently in "Oh, The Places You'll Go"

OH! THE PLACES YOU'LL GO! ...You'll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't. I'm sorry to say ...that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you. ....Just be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act.

So, go for it! What are you waiting for??

THE WISDOM TO BE CRAZY

I am convinced that it is those Ole'  EXPECTATIONS that are the root of our demise.
Whether they are our own or others imposed on us, for me, it often feels like I flew into a spider web and I am not quite sure how to get out. There are so many "shoulds and shouldn'ts" floating around, it is a wonder there is room to breath (and, by this I mean physical, emotional and spiritual room).

THE REAL PROBLEM FOR ME IS : I don't want to just breath, I want to breath freely.

This idea  is dedicated to my sister on her birthday today and to all of those like us who just can't settle for breathing like the majority of the world.

I propose that we adopt a new set of "VALUES" (which I prefer to think of instead of expectations).
In an article in Cosco Magazine (2005) entitled "The Wisdom to be Crazy" it proposes to "nurture a culture where it's safe to be a little crazy." I second the motion!!

Wouldn't it be grand if the expectations floating around went something like this:

1)It's not whether you win or loss, nor even how you play the game but how much fun you have playing it!
2)Play should be considered a form of work. I vote for a 3 Day weekend and 4 day work week!!
3)You could be praised as much for curiosity, playfulness, creativity and imagination as you are for responsibility, academic and professional success, monetary advantage, etc etc

CREATIVE CHALLENGE

Try to come up with your own set of "NEW RULES"  and see what your kids would say.

My 12 year old would say, "Why spend time working when you can be playing!"
(Since we grown ups know that is not possible, I would like to rephrase it a bit:
"if work has no element of  fun in it, then maybe there is other work to find that does)
My 16 year old  would say,  "Resting is totally underrated"
My 19 year old would say, "Don't worry, it could always be worse"

FINAL THOUGHT : PERHAPS THE CHILDREN SHOULD BE THE ONES TO MAKE THE RULES!